Keep punching!

It has been four months since I wrote anything on the blog. Writing is a creative process, how silly the content is. One has to be inspired by something to write about. One has to think about how to present the thoughts. Formulate sentences. Pick the best words. Present the thoughts in a cohesive manner. 

Thoughts and words and themes come naturally to some people. But for many, myself included, it is not that easy. But what is easy in this world? Almost nothing. Any simple skill people have require significant investment of time and energy. Constant practice, repetition.... A one hundred meter sprinter spent years and years to perform and hardly 10 second show. The more effortless an act is the more invested the actor was. Unfortunately, I never made a serious effort to be skillful at anything, so I cannot speak from my experience. But I have some experience. The more I practice on a presentation, the better the presentation go. It is not exactly like a three hour concert or a ninety minutes stand up comedy special. But for a lowly scientist it is equivalent to a performance. 

Lately, I have been spending some time to practice violin and build endurance with running. I am well past the age were I can peak at either of these activities, compared to the world standard. But both these exercise remind me of the enormous amount of dedication and hard work one has make to be any good at a difficult task. 

What about science, my vocation? It is hard for me to admit that my passion and excitement wane and wax. I wish it were a constant all time high. I have heard some actors and other artists say they are alwasy excited about what they do. They do not have a dull moment. I do not know if that is true. I have heard some of my scientific heroes telling the same. I have seen some fellow scientist who spent all the time (I see them) spending time in their labs and offices. In many ways me too do the same. But the excitement I get when I see beautiful piece of data from me or my students is different that what I get when I write  a grant or prepare for a lecture or other work related task. When all the experiments we do in the lab fails and go inconclusive for weeks on end, I start getting doubt about myself and sometime others. I go to a dark world. A hostile world filled with dark energy of cynicism, depression and anxiety. A world were I am inferior to everyone else in the world. A world were I am a total failure. I haven't heard any of my colleagues or scientist I admire say about this. So I believe it is an experience reserved for non-superstars. 

Same is writing. I was reading Haruki Murakami's book "What I talk about when I talk about running". He is one of rare super successful people I hear admitting that they are not always good at craft they are doing. That they have to constantly work on their skills to be in good at what they do. I am clearly not the Murakami of biomedical science. But then, neither are most of the scientists I know. I am still finding ways to keep myself motivated. It is even harder when you have to motivate others. I hope I will learn something deeper and useful from all these.