Wild horse

Mind is wild horse. It does not want to be controlled. It does not change. It does not want to spend time on things that are unpleasant. What is this mind? What am I talking about? Is it the brain that is making "me" wright this? This conversation itself is schizophrenic. I am talking about myself in third person.

What is a a thought? How get started? It is very funny to watch how thoughts are formed when I go into relatively deep meditative state. I will focus on the breath. Focus on the sensations on the tip of my nose. "I" will watch out for thoughts. No sounds. Good. Then there is a conversation that I heard somewhere. Where did I hear this? Its not that. Something else. Huh? Who said that. How? What?..... After several minutes, I realize that I was lost in all the thoughts.

So are desires. It drives one to do crazy things. How do one take charge of your mind, emotions, feelings? Not sure. Is there a moment in life where we will have complete control over out thoughts, emotions, desires? It is a life long quest. I have been trying to do that for a long time. Failing miserably in every attempt. "My mind" wins all the time. Discipline of mind and body. The image that comes to my mind when I say this is the one from old martial arts movies. The spritual, composed, disciplined, wise warrior who is brimming with equanimity. Do mastering a martial arts help one to achieve that state? Is there anyone who never falters? I am sure there are. People who has a disciplined, happy and enjoyable personal and professional life could be like that. What would be life if I have not desire, no ambition, no need? Is it death? The moments I feel I have it under control, is the moment that life humbles me and show me my place. Reminding me of the work that needs to be done. Reminding me that I am a mere human.